i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
