she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
