Pregnant stripper...not hot.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
