we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
