i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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