That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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