I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
