i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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