I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
