Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
