oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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