I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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