i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
