Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
