She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it because I queefed?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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