Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
