Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
