It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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