best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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