True but thats because hes a fetus.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
me + whiskey = a bad person
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
