Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm at about main and main street
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
