I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
