I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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