Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
