I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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