I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
