she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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