matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My bed smells like the plague
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
