Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
3 2 1 whiskey
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
