Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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