I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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