He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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