big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
