theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
