bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Tell her she can't have a vagina
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
