too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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