boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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