and you said cock pushups were impossible
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it glows. i had to have it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
