She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
