Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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