I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
