508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
