he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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