i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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