you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
