Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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