I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
