the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
