dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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