I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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