your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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