The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
