WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So much rum. So many feels.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
